The interview went pretty ok i think. 
Amazingly i wasn't like all nervous and shaking and scared.
I was numb actually.  And when it was my turn, i went into the room and talked and talked and talked.  ahah!  If i do get it, i really am looking forward to going back to school and starting a new career. 
But funnily, everybody's been telling me i should stick to my job, why the sudden change.  Teaching is not as easy as it was before.  Everybody they know is breaking bond and leaving and you're leaving your job to become a teacher?  And mind you, this is not coming from one but many.  On the other side of things, my parents are like super happy.  They're over the moon.
Now it's all up to me to make that decision, to remain where i am or to make that change....decisions decisions!

I know i'm like blogging pretty frequently these days.  So many things happening, so many things to record down.  As ZX said, life is like the economy, it works on the inverted bell curve theory, it can't keep going up, at some point, is has to fall.

It just hit me today, in one month's time, i'll be done with my bond.  Which means, i'll be able to leave the company anytime i want.  So i sat down and thought about it for a pretty long time, should i stay in my job for another 2 to 3 years?  I'm happy with what i'm doing, or should i consider greener pastures.  I was so tempted to write down all the pros and cons but somehow it just suddenly became obvious to me what i had to do.

I'm not young and i have to start to take life seriously.  Life's not about partying and shopping and sleeping my days away.  I feel  can do more in life.  So when the time is right, i'll prolly move on to another job.

When i thought this, i was like...WOW!  Epiphany!

I've recently allowed this girl to affect me so badly, it's not funny.
I didn't know the extend of the damage until today.
She wants my guy.  She makes me feel insecure. She makes me paranoid.
She makes me angry.  She makes me sad.  She affects my relationship. 
And today, indirectly she affects my job.  Damnit!  Haven't been in this state of mind, where i find myself so totally lost, disillusioned and depressed in a while. 

Life is never smooth sailing.  There are bound to be problems in certain aspects of your life at one point or another, but to have trouble in 2 major aspects of my life ie. relationship and job, and at the same time is so not cool man.  

My job has been going pretty ok till now.  Last i felt like that about my job was at the tail end of working at Cityneon.  I can't even remember if it was me who made the mistake casue i was so bloody kan cheong, trying to live up to the expectations of my leader and  was sad at the same time cause i had done a mel just hours before the flight.  But in any case the blame is on me and this incident would go into my records and it won't look good.  I like to think of myself as a pretty ok worker, so having a red mark on the record is not very good la.

Relationship-wise, failure la.  I'm not a person who believes in going in between people and if something like that happens to me, i would definitely wanna hold on to my guy.  I know a lot of you will say, Mel, did you even speak up, make your views known, trust me i did.  I was pretty vocal and determined at first.  But as things progressed, the things the girl did to impress my guy made me feel like a bloody useless girlfriend.  At the same time i wasn't getting a convincing enough reassurance from my guy about his feelings for her.  I knew that i'd be feeling like this, frustrated, as long as the girl was in his life and so into him.  l've always been a "runner".  I always run away from things i can't handle or can't solve and in this situation, i did a Mel and ran.  Yeah, and so now, besides having to deal with knowing she's now prolly gonna be his next girl, i have to deal with getting over him.  And it's gonna be hard, cause, minus the situation with the girl, he's really a great guy and i know he was into me, cause i could see if from his actions and words.
  
The root to my problems is the girl.  Funnily, i don't hate her.  I have like no ill feelings towards her.  i know you're thinking, sure or not?  My thought is, she causes the problems, but if i was a stronger person, she wouldn't have affected me as badly as she did.  So ultimately, the blame is on me.  I guess, once is a while, you, or rather i, need to go through shit like that to see how weak i really am.  haha!  Need to toughen up, build a bit more character, can't be so silly and such a pushover.  I need to have stronger willpower and perhaps be more professional in my work.

I pray and hope i don't get into trouble with the company with regards to the incident at work and i hope and pray i stop moping about my failed relationship and pick myself up and move on.  i doubly hope and pray i don't start drinking because of all the shit i'm going through. hint, please dun ask me go drink k? At the same time, i would like to count my blessings of having my family and friends who are always there for me, through my ups and downs. amen.  (sorry la i drama a bit)

Stress.  Enough typing, time for a smoke break.