A struggle that was all worthwhile
Last day with my previous company was a couple of days ago. Been meaning to post this entry but have just been busy catching up with friends, tidying up my room, going for driving and running errands.
I'm officially done with that stage of my life and sitting here and thinking back on what i've gone through, i'd say it was a raod of struggle and self discovery . I've learnt so much and done so many stupid things. I feel sorta wary just thinking about it.
I've learnt the joy of having my own company. I've learnt that i'm actually quite an introverted individual. I've learnt that only me and me alone controls the direction of my life. I've learnt that you and only you should watch out for yourself. No matter how nice and caring a person is, never let your guard down and watch your back. I've learnt many small things that i would not otherwise have been exposed to, like, how to make up, control my wavy hair, paint nails in 10minutes, CPR, mixing cocktails, washing baby bottles etc. You know thinking about it, i can't really type all the things that i've learnt but yeah i've learnt.
I've done many stupid things. I guess, becuase i was overwhelmed by the freedom and the sudden ability to afford many things, i just went wild, out of control. But i think i had to go through this. I had to learn how to be an adult. I had to learn when to tell myself i had to stop, that what i was doing was wrong. Pulling myself out of the lifestyle i eventually found myself in- excessive clubbing and drinking- wasn't easy. I can still remember having this conversation with my mum, she telling me i should stop clubbing. And me telling her, i can't do that. But right now, i can and i do it willingly cause i know that clubbing isn't everything. So yes, it's been a struggle. There were many days i woke up with a headache and not knowing how i got into bed and seeing the dissapointment in my parent's eyes and feeling my heart sink and me slipping deeper and deeper into depression. I'm glad i've pulled myself out of all that rubbish. I'm glad i woke up one day and told myself, fuck, how many times more do you wanna feel like that? And you can't even blame anybody else but yourself cause nobody forced you to live such a lifestyle. Although i must say quitting my job and finding a job totally different from what i did previously, is rather drastic. But i feel the lifestyle comes with the job and if i have to put myself into an environment that promotes a wholesom lifestyle, so why not right?
Looking forward (i know many people have the opinion that my character is more suited to the service industry, that i should be in a job that is glamerous, whatever that means), i will try out teaching. As you can see from a previous entry, being a teahcer is one of my goals and so i'm now fulfilling another of my dreams. I'm sure it'll bring many many more experiences and there'll be more lessons and struggles to go through. I have my doubts about handling teenagers, but i will take this as a challenge, no matter how cliche it sounds. And hopefully all of this, will help me to become the person i am happy being.
